Fantasy Cat vs Reality Cat

Fantasy Cat - as seen on your TV
Reality Cat - as seen only at mealtimes

3

FC: Wakes you at 7 am with a dainty lick on the nose

RC: Wakes you at 3am with a rasping lick on the nose, and breath that would corrode the armour off a panzer tank.

4

FC: Lies on your lap and purrs softly

RC: Lies on your lap and farts loudly

5

FC: Delicately holds out a paw to have her nails trimmed

RC: Lets you trim her claws when you have extracted them from your forearm

6

FC: A few minutes play remind you of your bond of love and affinity

RC: A few minutes play reminds you to get more and stronger flea powder

7

FC: Vigorously scratches her scratch post

RC: Vigorously scratches her scratch post, the sofa, anything with stockings, the curtains, the neighbours dahlias, the ...

8

FC: Adores you

RC: Notices you when she's hungry

9

FC: Loves her favourite brand of cat food

RC: Loved it last week, this week it was something different, now ... oh, do try to keep up

10

FC: Plays with a ball of wool

RC: Plays with mouse intestines

11

FC: Has a glossy coat, thanks to XXX catfood

RC: Has a dandruff-ridden scruffy coat that smells of old socks

12

FC: Rubs against you affectionately on the sofa

RC: Rubs against you affectionately on the sofa only if you are wearing your best suit/cocktail dress, and she's shedding particularly heavily.

13

FC: Chases her tail

RC: Chases the neighbours peke

14

FC: Delicately scratches kitty litter over her doings

RC: Vigorously scratches kitty litterover a 3 metre radius

15

FC: Is a little bundle who makes life better and happier

RC: Is the same really, which makes you wonder why the advertisers bother