Treacle's diary. Extracts from the blog of a feline secret agent.
| Sunday April 28 15.00-17.00 hours | |
| On watch | |
| survelliance duty again. Log follows. 1500 Took up station on garage roof. 1600 woke up. Cleaned hard to reach bits of nether regions 1620 Butch McAngus, the Burmese nutter, is wandering down the road this way 1625 Just a little closer, pleeeease and I'll drop on him like the wrath of God 1630 He vanished. Concentrate now 1700 He's behind me - on the roof ten feet away 1900 Two hours of eyeball-to-eyeball poker are interrupted by junior staff banging dinner plates. Angus dematerializes. How does he do that? 2000 Birds nesting in tree opposite. Start planning routes to nest, speculate on baby bird recipes 2035 Junior staff outside, making obscene amount of noise. They will scare the birds! 21.00 Switch to night vision. Teenage humans are making out in a nook between the garages. Start a creepy low yowl to see how long before they get spooked. 21.30 Damn. Fell asleep 21.45 Junior staff wandering around the garden with a torch. No idea what they are up to so decide to avoid them. 23.00 Do a final patrol of the grounds, and head back to base. My efforts had better be appreciated by the junior staff. I'm hungry. | |
| Saturday April 20 03.00 hours | |
| Being tailed | |
| I'm being tailed. I have a sixth sense for these things. Sometimes out of the corner of my eye, I can see my follower. He (or she?) is a long black slinky type, waving about as though pretending to be drunk, but I am not fooled. I know he's there. Sometimes I whip around at high speed, but he always manages to get behind me again. This guy's reflexes are as phenomenal as my own. I finally caught him following me up the stairs in the wee hours. I looked between my legs and saw him there, and managed to hook him with one claw. That guy knows how to inflict pain, but I gave as good as I got. By the time the junior staff had got up to see what the fuss was about, this guy and I had made friends. I nuzzled him and licked him a bit, and it made me feel kinda good. But now he's following me again, and its starting to bug me. | |
| Wednesday April 7 19.00 hours | |
| You dirty rat | |
| I finally got this thieving rodent in my night-sights as he sneaked back on the nightly rat run. Ran right into where I was waiting to get my claws into him. The plan was to take him back to base and torture him into revealing the hideout from where the rest of the bunch run their operations. The suspect was definitely cracking when I was called for urgent consultations by the junior staff. After advising them that salmon pouches were a satisfactory main course I returned to find that the aperitif had done a runner. Suspect is currently seeking asylum somewhere in the back of the microwave. Despite the consternation of the junior staff, I am satisfied that his injuries mean he will not bother anyone again. | |
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